I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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