Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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