How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
