I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
