I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
