I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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