You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
