Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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