I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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