he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
