WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
