The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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