the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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