every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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