Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
