It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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