so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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