we have pet lesbian snakes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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