It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Boobs are out for the taking
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
