Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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