Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
