i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
