It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
