I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
