I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
