let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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