another moral hangover. fuck.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
