I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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