I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
