I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
