i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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