I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
