I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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