i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
