bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
