I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
