People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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