No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
