Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
