i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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