Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
