i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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