If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
