That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
