I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
