I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
