Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
