Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
