What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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