Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
