No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
