Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
