I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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