He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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