Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
birth control should be required to get into college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
