I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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