eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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