I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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