He uses pillows to masturbate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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