you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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