I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
