I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
