your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
