If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
