You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
