chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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