Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
