May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
