Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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