I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
