Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
